Shithousery is defined as the act of unhanded gamesmanship and ill-disciplined conduct with the intention of gaining an advantage from the offence. It has always been prevalent in football, and is a divisive talking point, some believe it adds character and shows passion while others condemn it as an illegal act which is destroying fairness in our beautiful game. What we are looking at is which players are the ultimate wind up merchants, those who incite conflict on the field, show no mercy with their actions and even take a bite out of people. Cough, cough yes you Luis Suarez. Unfortunately, we must apologise to Neal Maupay, Marouane Fellaini and Ander Herrera who all just missed out on a spot on our unwanted list, I'm sure they're glad.
5. Pepe : Centre Back FC Porto & Portugal
The 39 year old immortal, has spent over a decade across Spain, Turkey and Portugal reeking havoc on his opponents. He represents a traditional aggressive and no-nonsense defender, who is an overpowering and influential presence on the pitch. While, in his peak at Real Madrid he demonstrated his short-temper when in 2009 against Getafe he kicked Francisco Casquero, who was on the floor and then ran his studs over the helpless midfielder. In 2014 at the World Cup he was memorably sent off for headbutting Thomas Muller who was already sat down. The FC Porto centre-back prides himself on winning and throughout his decorative career he has proven that he is willing to throw everything on the line to help his team. Let's just say that the centre-back is not a individual you want to insult or come face to face with, because Pepe is simply chaotic you never know what to expect, but it will certainly be a fight.
4. Luis Suarez : Striker Uruguay
Where do we start? Mr villain himself. Luis Suarez has to be one of the most hated footballers in the world, he started a feud with an entire country for god sake. At the 2010 World Cup he famously denied Ghana a winning goal with a handball on the line. Subsequently, Asamoah Gyan missed the penalty and he was worshipped by Uruguayans as his country progressed to the Semi-Finals. However, when asked twelve years later whether he regretted his act, he replied "The Ghana player missed the penalty not me, I don't apologise for it." His most notable obscene act was biting Branislav Ivanovic in 2011. But, the 36 year old did not stop there and three years later Giorgio Chiellini was the next victim. Ultimately, this entire article could just be Luis Suarez like the time he snubbed Patrice Evra a handshake. He is a striker who is extremely divisive, his footballing ability is incredible, but his onfield conduct has always been embroiled in controversy.
3. Sergio Ramos : Centre-Back Paris-St. Germain & Spain
The 36 year old former Real Madrid captain, is famed for receiving 28 red cards in his career, and he is a player who relishes a heated exchange. He is always at the centre of a brawl, even if the incident is 35 yards away he will charge over to confront the referee or slander an opponent. You can go on the internet and watch a montage of Sergio Ramos fights for over an hour. For his club and country he has hailed himself as the ultimate protector and guardian, where he is willing to do anything for his team and his teammates. This loyalty and tenacity has made him one of the greatest captains of all time, but he is still very much an un-loved character on the field. He certainly became the nemesis of Mohammed Salah, when he dragged the Liverpool player down in the Champions League final, ruling the attacker out of the game. He even had the audacity to touch Salah on his injured shoulder at a later awards ceremony.
2. Jamie Vardy : Striker Leicester City & England
It appears that Jamie Vardy has a bucket list to wind up every fanbase in the Premier League. He has the appearance of a mischievous little school boy who always disrupts the class, and takes pleasure in aggravating annoyed away supporters after he has just scored against them. From reminding the Manchester City fans of the score in Leicester's 3-1 victory in 2016, to imitating the Crystal Palace's mascot the Eagle. His celebrations are an expression of his devious personality, where he loves the fact that he is untouchable infront of thousands of fans all wanting his head. The 35 year old more recently howled at Molineux when he scored against Wolves. What makes it funny is that its typical no league non-sense, which is a classy sentiment to where he came from, when he was at Fleetwood. He is just a normal bloke who loves scoring, but mostly absolutely loves being an idiot which we all like, except those Crystal Palace fans, they still haven't got over that one.
1. Diego Costa : Striker Wolves & Spain
No one in football is capable of pulling off the box of tricks that Diego Costa has used over the years. From telling a speechless Ryan Shawcross that he had smelly armpits, to booting fellow shithouse expert Sergio Ramos in the head. He is the King of being a wind up merchant, with his fierce and menacing look, strong physicality and overwhelming aggression, even the referees have a job restraining him on the pitch. He is afraid of no one, even if he was outnumbered 10 to one he would show no mercy and take on every single one of them. While at Chelsea, he entertained the Premier League with week after week of headbutting Gareth Barry, teasing Gabriel Paulista and scoring goals. It is exciting to have the 33 year old forward return to England with Wolves, so that we can witness this ticking time bomb once more. He is a player who if he plays for you, he's magnificent but for opposition fans he is an absolute nightmare.
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